Feeling Good Together : M.D. David D Burns :
In his new book Feeling Good Together, Dr. David D. Burns such as the Relationship Satisfaction Test, the Blame Cost-Benefit Analysis, the. Feeling good together: the secret of making troubled relationships work. such as the Relationship Satisfaction Test, the Relationship Journal, the Five Secrets. Feeling Good Together by M.D. David D Burns, , as the Relationship Satisfaction Test, the Blame Cost-Benefit Analysis, the.
They're convinced that we wage war simply because we don't know how to make love. We desperately want loving, satisfying relationships but lack the skills we need to develop them.
Relationship Satisfaction Scale | Feeling Good
Of course, different experts have different ideas about what the most important interpersonal skill deficits are. Behavior therapists, for example, believe that our problems with getting along result from a lack of communication and problem--solving skills.
So when someone criticizes us, we may get defensive when we should be listening.
We may pout and put the other person down instead of sharing our feelings openly, or we may resort to nagging and coercion in order to get our way. We don't use systematic negotiation or problem--solving skills, so the tensions escalate. A related theory attributes relationship conflict to the idea that men and women are inherently different. These authors argue that men and women can't get along because they use language so differently.
- Feeling good together : the secret of making troubled relationships work
- Feeling Good Together
The idea is that women use language to express feelings, whereas men use language to solve problems. So when a woman tells her husband that she's upset, he may automatically try to help her with the problem that's bugging her because that's how his brain is wired. But she simply wants him to listen and acknowledge how she feels, so she gets more upset when he tries to "help" her.
They both end up feeling frustrated and misunderstood. You may have observed this pattern in yourself and someone you're not getting along with, such as your spouse. Cognitive therapists have a different idea about the deficits that lead to relationship problems.
They emphasize that all of our feelings result from our thoughts and attitudes, or cognitions. In other words, the things other people do--like being critical or rudely cutting in front of us in traffic--don't actually upset us.
Instead, we get upset because of the way we think about these events. This theory may resonate with your personal experience. When you're mad at someone, you may have noticed that your mind is flooded with negative thoughts.
You tell yourself, "He's such a jerk! He only cares about himself. He -shouldn't be like that.
One of the most interesting things about the cognitive theory is the idea that anger and interpersonal conflict ultimately result from a mental con. Excerpted from Feeling Good Together: Resolving conflicts and arguments 3. Degree of affection and caring 4.
Intimacy and closeness 5. Satisfaction with your role in the relationship 6.
How rocky is your relationship?
Satisfaction with the other person's role 7. How high should your score on the RSAT be?
Some people may feel that an RSAT score of 32 "somewhat satisfied" is good enough. In contrast, someone with a score of 41 "extremely satisfied" may feel the desire for greater closeness and intimacy. That's okay, because there are lots of things you can do to make a great relationship even better. It's all a matter of your goals and expectations. If the person you rated is someone you're close to, such as your husband, you can ask him to take the same test so you can find out how he feels about the relationship.
The information can be unsettling. This meant that he thought his marriage was absolutely wonderful. She scored a 0, completely dissatisfied in every single category. You may think that the extreme discrepancy between how Dale and his wife felt about their marriage is unusual, but it's not.