5 Shared Values Your Relationship Needs to Flourish
And if you're very different, the elders warn although that marriage can work, The elders' advice, however, is that alignment of values are precisely in terms of economic background, religion and closeness in age are the. Research also indicates that relationships that are built on shared values are my partner and I do not try to control each other's thoughts, behaviors, or beliefs. If you have shared values, regardless of your interests, your relationship has a good chance of These are the fundamental beliefs that make you unique.
The best thing is — we share the same core values! Take Emma, who at 87 has been married for 58 years. Fortunately we had the same values on most things. We came to our decisions by just realizing that we had usually the same goals. Whether the wife purchases an expensive camera or the husband a new golf club is not the core issue in what can become a monumental fight, but rather the deeper attitude toward what money means, how it should be spent and whether the financial interests of the couple are more important than indulging an individual whim.
Similarity in core values serves as a form of inoculation against fighting and arguing. Keith, 78, told me: We came to the point where we asked: Do we believe the same things in life are important?The BEST relationship advice EVER - Jordan Peterson
The long-married elders recommend that you discuss this issue and to make sure core values are as similar as possible. A number of the elders offered this tip: Early in the relationship, each of you writes down your basic values or principles in areas like money, children, work, and sex — then share these statements with one another.
We both had strong commitments in feeling that we owed something back…to the community, not only of resources but of time.
We both loved to travel, and we had a sense of adventure. Very seldom did we disagree about friends.
Me and my partner have very different values
And parenting, of course. We had very similar values in terms of our kids and what we wanted for them. The wisdom of the elders is very consistent with research findings over the past several decades.
Social scientists who study marriage look for two things over the long term: The research findings are quite clear: Sharing core values has also been found to promote marital stability and happiness. So the elders are in the scientific mainstream when they urge you to seek a partner who is similar to you in important ways. But what should we do with this information? In this advice, we come up against a dilemma.
- Common Values
- Understanding your core values in relationships (no they’re not your common interests)
- Effortless Encounters
On the one hand, the elders agree that someone who is generally similar in upbringing, general orientation and especially values is the single most important thing in choosing a mate.
On the other hand, we live in a pluralistic society that increasingly values diversity, breaking down old barriers and understanding and appreciation of differences.
How will you know if something feels right? How will you know if something feels wrong? How will you know when you need to step back and take action that may involve opting out?
You have two types of values much like businesses have two types of costs fixed and variable. Your core values are the ones that stay in place for very long periods of time and tend to endure even when other aspects of your life change. What we believe is reflected in how we act and who we choose in our partners which is all the more reason to address what you believe to prevent you from doing stuff that sabotages your own happiness.
These values grow with you and reflect where you are at that point in time. There is no point in having the secondary values if the primary values are not in place. This is because the secondary values only take on meaning and add to your relationship in the context of the primary values being met.
What is a healthy relationship? - Business Insider
A great way of testing whether something is a primary or secondary value is to take something that you value and believe exists in your relationship and put it with something that is missing.
Also compare yours and their values, so for example: If you value intimacy and companionship, and they value their solitude, doing things their way, and no matter what they profess, they consistently do things that exclude you and make you feel anything but intimate or a companion, you are incompatible.
The closer you get, the more they will move away. Even if they like a little intimacy, they only want it when they want it, which may be little. And compare the values you say that you have with with the things that you look for in a relationship, so for example: You should also ask yourself, what secondary values will be clouded out if your primary values are not met?